


Goodbye Stranger

by Ilaria_Mc



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 8x17 Spoilers, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 04:39:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilaria_Mc/pseuds/Ilaria_Mc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly three day have passed when you see Castiel again.<br/>After what happened in Lucifer's crypt, after he disappeared again without telling you any fucking thing, leaving you without no clue about what the hell is going on.<br/>You should be used to this by now, and still you're not.<br/>You're heading out for a beer while Sam is out for a supply run when you see him.<br/>When you open the door Cas is sitting on a step in front of the "bat cave" - you like calling it that - his head lowered, motionless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first destiel fiction even if I’ve been in the fandom for a while now.  
> After watching “Goodbye Stranger” I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  
> (to be honest I cried like a baby and I needed a resolution, I can’t wait until Cas comes back on the episode 21).

Exactly three day have passed when you see Castiel again.  
After what happened in Lucifer's crypt, after he disappeared again without telling you any fucking thing, leaving you without no clue about what the hell is going on.  
You should be used to this by now, and still you're not.  
You're heading out for a beer while Sam is out for a supply run when you see him.  
When you open the door Cas is sitting on a step in front of the "bat cave" - you like calling it that - his head lowered, motionless.  
You don't know if he heard you because he doesn't move at the sounds you're making, and you need to say his name to snap him out of whatever thoughts he's having.  
When he raises his head up to look at you you almost startle for a moment, because this Castiel in front of you is like nothing you've seen before.  
He doesn't look like the powerful, mesmerizing creature you met years ago in that barn, he doesn't look like the drunk-power ass you met in that lab, he doesn't look like the naive and a little bit lost person you left in that hospital.  
And he doesn't look like the detached, ruthless version of him you've see barely three days ago.  
He looks like a brand new Cas, younger and more human that you have ever seen him.  
He stands up when you call him, and for a minute you can't do anything but staring at him.  
Has he always been this pale? This thin?

_  
"Why didn't you just pop up inside? It's not like this place is angels proof anyway" _

  
He shrugs his shoulder a little in a gesture that is way too human and stares you back.  
It's just a second, really, and then he's looking away and this is new.  
You are the one who usually takes his eyes off because Cas' looks are just too intense, too deep, because you feel like he's digging in your fucking soul or something.

_"It doesn't matter anyway" -_ he says, and you don't know what that means but you don't ask for some reason, and you just open the door widely to let him come in.  
It's the first time Cas has been in this place and you need a moment to adjust at the image, because after the last few weeks you kinda convinced yourself that you would never seen this scene.  
He stays silent for a while but he doesn't look around, or at you, he just stares at the wall like it's hiding some marvelous secret, and then he opens his trenchcoat and hands you the tablet.  
You blinks at the little squarely stone and you don't touch it, just waiting for an explanation that doesn't come.

__"Three days ago you said you needed to protect this thing from me, why are you handing it over to me now?"  
"Because I can't.."  he cuts himself off _"because I trust you will make the right decision about it"_  
"What does it says?"  
"I don't know exactly"  
"Give me a summary, would you?"  
"They said.. Naomi said this tablet would kill all the angels, that would destroy heaven"  
"And you believe her?"  
"My judgment skills aren't exactly flawless, so has been proved."  
"You're telling me half of the truth, you do that a lot lately. What happened in that crypt? That thing just started shining when you touched it."  
"The angels will come for it"  
"And what do you want me to do about it?"  
"You should bring it to the prophet, and once it's translated you can decide what is right."  
"You keep saying that I have to do it, like this has nothing to do with you. Are you planning on disappearing again?"  
"I can't protect the tablet, or you."  
"What are you not telling me?"

He looks tired and pained and you don't understand, and he's a confusing ass on his best day so now it's just worse.  
You have so many questions, always so many question you can't ask, because it's not like he would give you a straight answer anyway.  
Sometimes you can't help thinking that he's an idiot just like you are, because he's always keeping some kind of secret to protect you or Sam, and secrets are vicious little shits, they keep piling up until you can't find your fucking way out of them.  
But you two have done this game before and it didn't end well for anyone involved, so it's time to stop.

  
 _"Cas, what's going on? You need to be honest here man, we can afford secrecy."_  
  
He doesn't answer, of course he doesn't, and instead he' s looking around the cave like he could pass through the walls with a laser beam in his eyes.  
  
 _"You have to find a safe place to protect the tablet until you bring it to Kevin. You should put sigils against angels on the place too."_  
"Heaven wants the magic rock, I get it. Why can't you protect it?"  
"I can't protect anything.. anyone."  
"What does it means Cas? Spit it out."  
"Dean.."  
  
You look at him suspiciously for a moment.  
He's so damn pale that his skin seems almost translucent against the cave's lights, and his usually uniform dress looks more ruffled than ever, like he lied somewhere with his clothes still on.  
He doesn't lie anywhere though, he's an angel, a strong, badass angel who can gank demons with a touch of his hand.  
  


 __"You look tired. Are you out of angel mojo again?"  
"You could say that, yes."  
"Stop being a vague dick, Cas. Did the angels cut you off again?"  
"Not the angels, no. The tablet."  
"The tablet took away your powers?"

There's a certain amount of disbelief in your voice, because what the hell is that thing? How can it just take away angels powers like that?  
But there's more of the story, you can tell, because Cas can be a lot of things, but he's always been a shitty liar.

  
_"No, it.. it took away my grace."_  
"Your.. your grace? How is that even possible? You healed me after touching it and then you float away, it looked pretty angelic to me."  
"Yes it's.. it's not immediate, it's a gradual process. I sped it up when I healed you."  
"Shit. Cas, are you human?"  
"Mostly, yes."  
"Shit."  
"Will you protect the tablet?"  
"Yes, I will. Ok? But you're not going anywhere though."  
"I'm not useful like this Dean. I can't help. I won't be able to help you anyway."  
"I'm not.. that's not what I'm saying Cas, we're fucking family, remember? Family stick together."  
"The angels, they're coming for me. They want me dead."  
"We've been there before."  
"No, this is different Dean, I choose. They ask me to choose between them and you and I choose you and Sam."  
"You picked me and Sam over them before."  
"No this is.. final."  
"Are you telling me you.. what.. you fell?"  
"Yes Dean."  
  
For a moment the only thing you can think about is the Cas you saw in the future.  
The broken, bitter version of him, drunk of sadness and alcohol and you hated that Cas, deeply.  
You can feel a shiver of panic rising under your skin because you meant it when you asked Cas to not ever change, changes always screw you over, that's just how things go for you.  
You are almost tempted to touch him, just to make sure he doesn't feel any different under your hands.  
  
 _"Okay, look.. this is even a bigger reason to stay here. You can't be out there on your own."_  
  
  
It seems a pretty good logic to you, he's human, and newish, and some angelic ass is coming for him, the only thing to do is stick together, where you can protect him.  
But he's looking at you like you're loosing your mind and not the other way around and you just don't fucking understand.  
  
 _"You won't leave Cas, that's final."_  
"This is impratical."  
"Impratical how?"  
"If I stay here I will lead them right where you are. It's not a good choice."  
"We will angel proofing the house and we can find a way to put the enochian sigil on you like you did with me and Sam, they won't be able to find you."  
  
He doesn't look convinced, actually he looks even more recalcitrant if it's even possible.  
He wears that frown on his face like he's trying very hard to understand your actions, and after a moment his eyes get softer somehow, but his expression is even more firm.  
 __  
"You can't protect me Dean, It's not your job to do."  
"The hell it's not."  
"I'm not an innocent."  
"Cas.."  
"How can you possible want me any near you and your brother after what I've done?"  
  
His voice is higher that it has ever been, and the person in front of you doesn't look anything like the Cas you know.  
There's so many emotions in his tone and you're not used to this.  
Fear and self-loathing are carved so deep in his voice that you can't help yourself from touching him.  
It's just an hand on his shoulder, friendly and reassuring, but he steps back like you burned him and you don't try again, but when you speak you do it kindly, because he's scared and you hate it, every second of it.  
  
 _"That wasn't you Cas.. you weren't yourself. That bitch was controlling you."_  
"Yes, and before that the Purgatory souls were controlling me, and before that again I was just cold and committed to the cause and I couldn't feel anything."  
"Cas listen to me.. you.."  
"I was right, the night before we killed Dick Roman, I'm bad for you Dean. I always thought I was one of the good ones but I'm not."  
"That's just stupid. You are one of the good guys!"  
  
  
He laughs, shortly and bitter, and you can't stop the chill at the bottom of your stomach because it's such an awful sound, and of all the times you imagined how his laugh would be like you never once imagined something like that.  
It's wrong on him, and it sounds oddly wronger when it echoes through the house walls.  
You want to tell him to stop, you want to tell him that his first real laugh is not supposed to be like that, but in that moment the door opens and Sam lets himself in, looking surprised at the angel who's standing even more stiff now.  
 __  
"Hey Cas, you're back."  
  
There's a wariness in Sam's tone that you can't really blame, and still you step ahead in some sort of protective gesture that surprises your brother and you both.  
You're just scared that Cas will disappear again under your nose, that's it, until you remember that he can't zap anywhere anymore.  
  
 _"I won't be long Sam"_  
"You're leaving again?"  
"No, he won't."  
  
Sam looks alternatively between you and Cas like he's trying to figure out what he's missing, and you give him a long story short to keep him on the loop of the situation.  
When Sam hears the word "human" coming out from your mouth his face becomes a weird mix of worry and gentleness, and his eyes are softer when he finally looks at the angel again.  
  
 _"Are you ok Cas?"_  
"Yes Sam, I am fine. Thank you."  
"So what happens now?"  
  
Cas stays silent at the question, like it's not his place to answer that, and he never looked so lost before, not even when you were watching him through the glass of that stupid hospital and he looked so little, all white clothes and big blue eyes.  
  
 _"We'll bring the tablet to Kevin to figure out what this fuss is all about and then we go from there. All three of us."_  
"Dean.."  
"You're not leaving Cas, period."  
"I'm just trying to be reasonable."  
"I don't want you to be reasonable, I want you to stay with me!"  
  
You're screaming without even realizing it, and your breath is heavy and coming out in sharp pants but you can't help yourself.  
Sam is looking at you with wide eyes and you can't really blame him, you're not one for expressing emotions like that, surely not this kind of emotions anyway.  
He stares at you for a moment, thinking, and then he seems to make a decision and leaves you and Cas alone with not more than a 'I'll be in my room, this isn't about me'.  
And then it's just you and Cas.  
Cas who's looking at you with a sadness you've never, ever seen on him, and you're just fucking tired of all of it.  
You had enough of lies and disappearing and confusion, and this has to stop.  
  
 _"This is.. fuck Cas you need to stop. You can't just come and go like this whenever you please. I wasn't lying, ok? We need you. I need you."_  
"You're better off without me Dean, both of you."  
"That's crap. We're family, just because you don't have your powers anymore doesn't mean that you are useless, and just because you made mistakes doesn't mean that we erase you from our life in a second, that's not how things work!"  
"Dean, you have things to do, things that don't fit with me being here."  
"Stop being so damn composed for god's sake. Look, you and Sam are the only things I have left, you can't just.. I won't say goodbye again."  
"It's safer."  
"Safer? Which part of my life does look safe to you? And how many times do I have to watch you leave? You left, after Sam fell in the cage, and then I saw you fucking disappear in a lake! And when I thought you were back you fucking left again! You left in Purgatory and then I had to leave that place without you! So tell me Cas, how many times again?"  
  
You are pretty sure Sam can hear everything you're saying because you are yelling, but at this point you just don't give a shit about it, and you continue keeping your eyes on Cas. __  
His expression is soft at the edges now, but you know better than thinking he's caving in, you know that damn stupid face way too well to believe it, to not notice the firm light in his eyes.  
The light of convinction he wears when his beliefs are sure and granitic and there's nothing you can't do to change them, and you hate it.  
He touches you then, for the first time since he's been back, and it's just a light squeeze on your shoulder but it's enough to make you feel better for a moment.  
  
 _"Just this once Dean."_  
  
  
And you know what this is, you know this is a goodbye even before he turns his back on you leading for the door, and it's breaking you in a way you would have never imagined.  
  
 _"I love you, you know." - yo_ u're not screaming anymore, you can't scream this because it terrifies you more than anything you have ever experienced, and he stops his path while you are still talking - _"And I know you don't understand these things, at least I think you may not, but this is.."_  
"I do understand love Dean. You.. taught me it."  
  
He's looking at you now, and he might have lost his powers but his eyes are still freaking intense like he can see through you without  breaking a sweat.  
It used to freaking you out, now you just want more.  
  
 __  
"Maybe you understand, but do you feel it?"  
"I.. yes."  
"What kind? The same love you felt for your father? People don't love like that Cas. Does it burn you? Does it take your breath away?"  
"You do."  
  
You're kissing him.  
You're kissing him before your brain can even process what the hell is happening, and you don't fucking care.  
It's like a rush of adrenaline, powerful and lustful and so so right, and when you stop you're breathing heavily and he's breathing heavily and you laugh, because it's so weird and he looks scrambled and so fucking human and you still want more. __  
  
  
"I won't say goodbye again, Cas."  
"No Dean. You won't."  
  
  
  
  
  __  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I desperately wanted the ‘I love you’ Misha said (trolled?) was deleted from the script so I wrote it myself.


End file.
